I have actually been doing things.

Honestly, I have. While often "things" equates to consuming three boxes of barbeque Shapes within the space of two days and enduring the subsequent shame spiral, it also means I've been doing Legitimate Constructive Activities as well.

Apart from my usual role as photographer (read: occasionally the only way I end up leaving the house during the week) for the lovely and very cool guys at Venuemob, the lovely and very cool guys at Venuemob have recently enlisted me for another task. The task has been to write and/or re-write a very large amount of copy for their website, which is being re-done, re-launched and re-snazzed sometime this month (I believe).

That's meant writing all manner of nice things about venues around Melbourne, and finding all sorts of new and interesting ways to say "this venue caters to groups of all sizes" or "this venue has many rooms for you to use". It's been a challenge, albeit an enjoyable one. It's also probably a good thing, to have something force me to use my brain for things that aren't watching endless episodes of Friday Night Lights in between writing drivel and/or quite silly articles.

Speaking of quite silly articles (SEGUE! SEGUE! SEGUE!), I've recently begun writing for Port Whine. I've only written a couple so far; one about having no money, and one about my rather embarrassing penchant for nerds.  You can read them if you think that's the kind of silliness you'd be into.

I've also been recruited by Perth-based mag Colosoul, although the only thing I've done so far is for the print issue so I don't have a link for you because YOU CAN'T LINK TO IRL PAPER ON THE INTERNET, DINGUS.

Tales from Behind the Counter #1

This might make me an unlikeable scrooge, but I feel like every Christmas I don't spend spent mostly enraged and hating on most other humans is an occasion nothing short of a miracle. After many, many years spent working in retail and hospitality, I can safely say that my faith in humanity has been eroded something terrible. No time of the year highlights this as surely as the holidays.

Last year however(and the year before, from memory), was a joy. I was working a job where I earned actual money, and one in which the office actually closed for a couple of weeks over the Chrimbus break. I was able to actually spend time with my family, I didn't have to think about KPIs, I didn't have to set up for a Boxing Day sale in place of eating tasty food, I didn't have to make up some excuse about not being able to work on New Years Day or Boxing Day. Most of all however, I didn't have to interact with the special kind of douche bag/terrible specimen/murder-worthy people that inhabit shopping centres, cafes and carparks during December.

This year is a little different. I'm currently working a bunch of odd jobs, which range from highly enjoyable to mediocre at best. I'm also job-hunting.

Please, employ me.

But you know, a girl's gotta eat right? So I'm back working at a cafe a few days a week. Just get a casual job, they said. It'll be easy money, they said. And I believed them. I'd forgotten about the screaming children, the mess, the demanding obnoxious duds, the insane requests, the fact that you're beyond exhausted after it all the shit subsides. I'd forgotten what it's like to have your soul slowly, slowly and surely crushed to the cynical, angry point of no return.

Somehow, I'd forgotten how very, very much and how very, very often I dislike people.

Anyway, ranting and raving to a friend of mine after a particularly busy shift, I was reminded of the myriad stories I have about being sent to the very edge of sanity by my fellow humans during the holiday season.

I know this isn't hospitality, but I think you might enjoy it. Certainly, I wish I could crack the absolute shits at every smartass jerk who I ever came across:

I can't tell you how satisfying that was. I spent the rest of the shift strutting around like some sort of victorious gladiator. I was just about daring people to ask me a stupid question, or to dare challenge my authority. And, for those of you playing at home, I didn't even get into any sort of trouble for my little outburst. The guy slunk away with his tail between his legs, with his shitty, shitty purchase.

If you've never yelled at an idiotic customer, I highly recommend you try it sometime.