You COULD care less?

I won't deny that a well-placed comma, or a full sentence used in a text message sends me into a surge of happiness. I won't for a second deny that I value proper use of grammar. I also am prone to fits of anger when the following are used:

• "Irregardless"
• "Much of a muchness" 
• "Preformance"
• "Your" in the place of "You're" 
• "Thusly"

But that's old news, no? Old, oft repeated news. 

I come to you tonight not to gripe again about the same old boring words that send my into a flying rage, or about the fact that I judge people incredibly harshly on their ability to use a full stops and capital letters appropriately. I come with new news, with a brand-spanking shiny new phrase, the latest to incur my wrath. 

"I could care less." 

This is how I feel when you say that.

Really? Really? You could care less? What the Sam Hill is that supposed to mean? WHAT is that supposed to mean? Do you mean what you're saying? DO YOU EVEN REALISE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

When I hear someone say "I could care less" about x or y, their tone of voice will usually imply that they actually couldn't give a shit about whatever the hell they're saying they could give a shit/a care/a hoot about.

So you say that you "could care less" about the Melbourne Cup? Well, that must mean that you actually do care at least a little bit about the Melbourne Cup. But check this out: your Facebook status updates repeatedly declare the myriad ways you think the Melbourne Cup is a giant waste of time. So, are you saying that you do care about the Melbourne Cup, or that you actually hate it and couldn't care less about the race that stops a nation?

"I could care less" = You obviously care at least a tiny bit. Because you could actually care less about it. 

"I couldn't care less" = There is no way for you to care less about whatever the hell it is. Which means you don't care about it at all. 

Think about it. Please, for the love of all that is holy, think about what it is that you're saying and what it means. Because if you're don't, there is a (large) chance that you're Doing It Wrong.

Everyone will know you're doing it wrong. 

That's kind of all I wanted to say. I had to vent, because after seeing a phrase that makes NO SENSE - even less sense than "much of a muchness" - become commonplace, I get very frustrated.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.