It was then that I happened upon a startling realisation: that I have a face.
I HAVE A FACE THAT I CANNOT SEE.
Of course, this isn't an actual realisation. I know that I have a face. At that moment though, I became VERY, VERY AWARE of my face, and the fact that I cannot see it.
I was suddenly aware of the fact that the most of the time, I cannot see my face. Yet EVERYONE ELSE can see my face. If they happen to be looking at me.
FURTHERMORE, most of the time - the time in which I am not looking at a mirror - I only have a vague idea of what my face looks like. I then began thinking about how others might perceive my face, that I might have an entirely inaccurate read of what my face is and what it looks like when it does what and OH GOD, I CAN FEEL MY FACE ON THE FRONT OF MY HEAD.
You know that feeling, the feeling you get when you're suddenly really aware of your tongue, or your breathing pattern? Then you can't breathe or talk properly? There, you're aware now. Exactly like that. Except with your face.
So I stopped where I was on the stairs and began to giggle, clutching at the wall. I am sure that if I were in a shitty mood, or if I were overtired, I'd have launched into a full-blown freak-out. Luckily, I did not.
|It's at this point that I became aware of my face.|
|And it's here that I had to check that it was really|
there on the front of my head.
As one, let's now thank my sanity for allowing me to go down the significantly less embarrassing route of "hysterical giggle and light sweats".
Shortly afterward, a co-worker pal also descended the stairs (by then I'd gotten over my temporary paralysis and found my way back to my desk). I told him what had happened, between fits of laughter.
"Are you high?" he asked, not joking.
"NO! I'm not. I just ... I dunno. I didn't freak out, I just noticed my face."
"I think this is what happens to coke addicts" Billy replied, looking like he was torn between laughter and genuine concern.
I started pawing at my face. "I just noticed my face and that I can't see my face but other people can!!"
"I HAVE A FACE"