Tuesday, July 31, 2012



After a long, long ordeal that isn't worth re-telling because it's a long, long, pointless story filled with sighs, Mike rang me this afternoon to announce "WE HAVE INTERNET"

I could hear his excitement through the phone. You know when you can hear a person pacing around excitedly, not knowing where to go or what to do, when you can hear a beaming smile?

That's what I could hear. Mike even confessed he'd considered biking over to my workplace in order to deliver the news in person. That's how momentous an occasion this is. Poor Miguel's been the one dealing with the phone company, the technicians, the real estate. He's been the one scrawling down reference numbers, then snapping when our case had been deemed "closed" by Optus. I have a bottle of champagne in my possession; frankly, I think it'll be popped open tomorrow.

The moment Mike told me of our connection to the world wide web however, began to giggle and screech like an insanely happy banshee upon hearing whatever makes a banshee insanely happy. I would guess that banshees also appreciate the myriad wonders of the internet. Who wouldn't?

I almost didn't want to go to the movies tonight, such was my internet-joy. Why would I do anything else when the promise of downloading things, of Reddit and pictures and interesting articles and pointless collections of gifs was so near? I'm glad I did end up hitting the cinematorium, because I am Eleven is really quite the enjoyable documentary BUT that's not to say that I didn't fidget in my seat while we got burgers afterward because I could FEEL THE POSSIBILITIES THAT LAY SO CLOSE. 

Would you like to know what my immediate moves were? I suppose this says quite a lot about me, but no matter.

Firstly, I didn't even do the usual TAKE OFF CLOTHES AND PUT ON OVERSIZED TSHIRT AND TRACK PANTS maneuver I pull as soon as I walk in the door. Instead, I immediately sat down at my desk and opened Reddit. Then Facebook. Then Le Meme. Then What should we call me. Then I put on this video in the background:


Then I began looking at ridiculous photos. I cruised through about four months' worth of smut and ridiculous inanity on Le Meme. For instance:

Then I went on Reddit some more. 

Then I began to read all the things I wanted to read whilst at work but couldn't for fear of someone seeing what I was reading. My desk is one of those conveniently placed beasts, one that is in full view of just about everyone. It makes my day entertaining, because I have no shortage of visitors and lively distractions BUT it does mean that I've now committed to memory the different sounds of all my co-workers' footsteps. There's just something about the prospect of being caught reading The Vice Guide to Eating Pussy that isn't super attractive to me. And there's just something about being caught watching  Gilbert Gottfried read 50 Shades of Grey that doesn't appeal to me either. 

Seriously though, I suspect I'm way too excited about this whole internet thing than I should be. I must make sure to harness this energy into something constructive, and to steer clear of the slippery, slippery slope that starts with Reddit and ends with a weekend of poor hygiene, shitty food and about four days' worth of Tim and Eric videos on Youtube crammed into two sleepless nights. 

Oh, internet. I missed you so.

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